Most women I talk to don’t think they’re living in chronic stress. They assume what they’re experiencing is just a busy season, a full calendar, or the natural weight of meaningful responsibility. After all, when you care deeply about honoring God with your life and stewarding your work well, pressure can feel like part of the calling.
But chronic stress is not the same as normal stress.
Normal stress has a clear deadline. It might come during a major work project, a family transition, a loss, or even a joyful event like a wedding. These are meaningful moments that require extra energy. You may need to push through a difficult season, but eventually that season ends. Your nervous system can settle. Your body can recover. Your relationships can recalibrate.
Chronic stress is different because it never fully turns off.
Chronic stress happens when we live in survival mode for so long that it becomes natural to us. We normalize the pressure. We normalize the strain on our bodies, the tension in our relationships, and the pressure on our calendars. In fact, many women begin to feel uncomfortable when they’re not stressed, because their nervous system has adapted to that constant state of urgency. Stress stops feeling like an interruption and starts feeling like our baseline.
This is what makes chronic stress so dangerous. It quietly reshapes how we live, how we think, and especially how we communicate with the people around us. In my research, I’ve found that chronic stress consistently produces three specific effects, particularly in our communication. These effects are subtle at first, but over time, they create disconnection, exhaustion, and ultimately burnout.
1. The First Warning Sign: You Quietly Begin Withdrawing From People Who Matter Most
Withdrawal is often the very first response to chronic stress. And what’s important to understand is that withdrawal itself is not inherently unhealthy. In fact, it can be a wise and necessary response. There are moments when we genuinely need space. We need time to think, to breathe, to recover.
What makes withdrawal unhealthy is when we don’t communicate that we’re doing it, or when we don’t even realize it’s happening.
Today, withdrawal often shows up through our technology. Instead of turning toward people, we turn toward our phones. We scroll instead of engaging. We disengage without acknowledging it. You might notice this in small moments, like when someone asks if you’re okay and you respond quickly with, “I’m fine,” while turning away. That response is often a signal of withdrawal.
The healthy response in these moments is not to shame yourself for needing space, but to communicate clearly. It can be as simple as telling your spouse, “I’m a little off today. If I seem less responsive, it’s not you.” Or saying to your team, “I need an hour to reset.” Withdrawal becomes harmful when it creates confusion and disconnection in our relationships. When it goes unspoken, it can feel like rejection or punishment to the people around us.
Often, the most important first step is simply noticing. Asking yourself honestly, “Have I been withdrawing?” That awareness creates the opportunity to reconnect intentionally.
2. The Second Warning Sign: You Lose Awareness of Others—And Yourself
The second effect of chronic stress is reduced awareness. I often describe it as having horse blinders placed on your eyes. This is actually a built-in survival mechanism. When your body perceives a threat, your brain narrows your focus so you can concentrate on reaching safety. In short bursts, this is helpful. It allows you to act decisively and move through difficult situations.
But when you live in chronic stress, this narrowed awareness never turns off.
From a communication perspective, this has profound consequences. Approximately 70% of our communication is nonverbal. It consists of facial expressions, tone of voice, posture, use of space and time, and subtle emotional cues. When your awareness is reduced, you miss these signals. You may assume everything is fine with your coworkers, your family, or your friends, when in reality, there are tensions or needs you simply aren’t perceiving.
At the same time, something paradoxical happens. While your awareness of others decreases, your awareness of yourself increases. You become overly self-conscious. You replay conversations in your mind. You think, “I can’t believe I said that,” or “Why did I do that?” These small moments feel disproportionately large, and you begin to carry internal scripts of self-criticism.
This increased self-consciousness often leads to even more withdrawal, reinforcing the cycle of disconnection that chronic stress creates.
This is not how God designed us to live. He designed us for connection, with Him and with others. Chronic stress interferes with your ability to remain fully present in those relationships.
3. The Third Warning Sign: Your Body Begins Sounding an Alarm You Can’t Ignore
The third effect of chronic stress is physical tension. Our bodies often recognize chronic stress before our minds are willing to acknowledge it.
This can show up in many ways. Your heart may race. Your hands may shake. You may feel restless, unable to sit still. You may experience anxiety symptoms that feel overwhelming and frightening. Sometimes people describe it as feeling like their body is sounding an alarm they cannot turn off.
That’s exactly what is happening.
Your body is saying, “Red alert. Pay attention.”
Your nervous system is not trying to betray you. It is trying to protect you. It is signaling that you have been in survival mode for too long. You cannot simply reason your way out of these physical responses, because they originate in the body’s protective systems. Your body is communicating something your mind may not yet fully recognize.
So many faithful, capable women push through these signals. They assume endurance is the faithful response, yet endurance is not the same thing as denial. To truly endure, we must pay attention and make adjustments when chronic stress takes over. Your physical symptoms are not weakness. They are wisdom.
Why Chronic Stress Is So Dangerous for Women Who Care Deeply About Their Calling
Chronic stress is especially dangerous for women who want their lives to matter for God’s kingdom. When you care deeply, you are willing to carry more. You are willing to sacrifice. You are willing to persevere.
But over time, living in a constant state of survival changes you. It changes how you communicate, connect, and experience your work and relationships.
Chronic stress is the birthplace of burnout.
Burnout does not begin with collapse. It begins with withdrawal. It grows through reduced awareness. And it reveals itself through the signals your body faithfully sends. These responses are not signs of personal failure. They are signs that your system has been carrying more than it was designed to carry for too long.
Paying attention to chronic stress is not stepping away from your calling. It is protecting your ability to walk in it faithfully for the long term.
Awareness is the first step toward healing. Your body is not working against you. It is working for you. It is inviting you to pay attention, to slow down, and to return to rhythms that allow you to live and work from a place of health rather than survival.
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For more from Arianna, listen to her episode on the Women & Work Podcast and purchase her book, Healthy Calling. Connect with her on Instagram and LinkedIn, and visit ariannamolloy.com.
